Sometimes I think that I am, in varying degrees, misunderstood by and perhaps at odds with the many people I call 'friend'. To be truthful, I am aware that my brain operates as though it is unconventionally wired. What I specifically mean, is that I sense that my varying moods and dispositions -of unfiltered directness at times, of a broad, perhaps superfluous, sense of humor at others, and of what surely must come off as pedantic rigidity at yet other times -has on occasion thrown them off....no doubt causing earnest head scratching.
To quantify this subjective abstract in relation to more concrete definitions of 'friendship', I've thought of the totality of what is me being ingested by others as a type of wildly varied, moving (as though along the top of a conveyor belt) smorgasbord of personality and character; from which those who fairly well know me can pick and choose- according to their own given mood- from that which they are accustomed, or to also indulge in more unfamiliar or risque offerings (and I'll be the first to admit in open confidences that I am neither a saint nor a saintly sage), or they may choose something from among each..letting the unchosen pass them by with either shrugged befuddlement or with silent sagacity.
I have reasoned that one cannot, with any honesty, fault friends of the oddity that is the eccentric (possibly bipolar) for such picky handling -for are we not each an individual who have chosen friendships for different reasons? Lord knows that I have entered into friendship with people that could be doppelgangers of me, and I certainly did take the same approach I have hypothesized that is taken toward me! Ha!
So, in all seriousness, there can never be a righteous reproach toward anyone I call 'friend' on that account alone, and I would never consider such a reprimand.
This whole train of thought does provide guidance on a related, and more important matter: that while my brain is, at times, strangely hyperactive, at least I have the ability to have a good laugh at my own expense concerning my overthinking , then with a shrug of my shoulders, I am able to move on to other thoughts or tasks. While humor is the coloring of life, special care needs to be taken in keeping certain propensities in check; for the pitfall of eccentricity is that we its bearers hold within ourselves its surplus of extravagances that can too easily: transmute a 'cloudy day' into depression; catch hold of and ride some random, willy-nilly 'wind' into fantastical musings; transmute musings into hours long daydreams; coalesce principles into a movement then elevate a movement to a call for revolution; and escalate public protest into full-blown riot.
The specialized skills needed to check against such extremes are honest and rational self-introspection and reflection -two of the most valuable tools in any intelligent person's toolbox; and these are also two skills that I am sure my friends, gods love them, appreciate that I possess and employ when I sense in them that one or more of these eccentricities are expanding a mood or disposition to the point of it becoming too overbearing.
I freely admit the deep affections for my friends (including ones I've never met personally) relating to them each being unique individuals, and now that I have thoroughly over thought the entire matter ( little surprise there), I do believe that they, too, to whatever degree and in whatever intensity, have an affection for me as well.
To quantify this subjective abstract in relation to more concrete definitions of 'friendship', I've thought of the totality of what is me being ingested by others as a type of wildly varied, moving (as though along the top of a conveyor belt) smorgasbord of personality and character; from which those who fairly well know me can pick and choose- according to their own given mood- from that which they are accustomed, or to also indulge in more unfamiliar or risque offerings (and I'll be the first to admit in open confidences that I am neither a saint nor a saintly sage), or they may choose something from among each..letting the unchosen pass them by with either shrugged befuddlement or with silent sagacity.
I have reasoned that one cannot, with any honesty, fault friends of the oddity that is the eccentric (possibly bipolar) for such picky handling -for are we not each an individual who have chosen friendships for different reasons? Lord knows that I have entered into friendship with people that could be doppelgangers of me, and I certainly did take the same approach I have hypothesized that is taken toward me! Ha!
So, in all seriousness, there can never be a righteous reproach toward anyone I call 'friend' on that account alone, and I would never consider such a reprimand.
This whole train of thought does provide guidance on a related, and more important matter: that while my brain is, at times, strangely hyperactive, at least I have the ability to have a good laugh at my own expense concerning my overthinking , then with a shrug of my shoulders, I am able to move on to other thoughts or tasks. While humor is the coloring of life, special care needs to be taken in keeping certain propensities in check; for the pitfall of eccentricity is that we its bearers hold within ourselves its surplus of extravagances that can too easily: transmute a 'cloudy day' into depression; catch hold of and ride some random, willy-nilly 'wind' into fantastical musings; transmute musings into hours long daydreams; coalesce principles into a movement then elevate a movement to a call for revolution; and escalate public protest into full-blown riot.
The specialized skills needed to check against such extremes are honest and rational self-introspection and reflection -two of the most valuable tools in any intelligent person's toolbox; and these are also two skills that I am sure my friends, gods love them, appreciate that I possess and employ when I sense in them that one or more of these eccentricities are expanding a mood or disposition to the point of it becoming too overbearing.
I freely admit the deep affections for my friends (including ones I've never met personally) relating to them each being unique individuals, and now that I have thoroughly over thought the entire matter ( little surprise there), I do believe that they, too, to whatever degree and in whatever intensity, have an affection for me as well.
nice work
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachel.
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